If you have never travelled out of Nigeria, you will assume, wrongly, that Valentine’s Day is a day when men give gifts to women. Actually, Valentine’s Day is a day when lovers and friends share the sacrificial love of Saint Valentine by exchanging gifts. But trust Southern Nigerians to commercialise it.

In the same way, we have commercialised weddings. In Europe, from where we copied White Weddings, it is the bride’s family that pays for the wedding. Please fact-check me. But in Southern Nigeria, it is the bride’s family that makes the most unreasonable and outrageous demands. They demand things that they themselves can never afford if you give them five years to prepare. And then expects the intending groom to foot the bill. And if you are foolish enough to marry their daughter, the billing continues. You will pay for your in-law’s school fees, funerals, birthdays, etc, or the irresponsible in-laws would themselves brand you irresponsible. Industrial Money Obtainers. Read between the lines.

And you are still surprised that young Nigerian boys are leaving Nigerian women to marry White grandmothers? The one that married from Kano said he never knew love until he married the Oyinbo grandmother. He has now joined the US Army.

The billing is too much! Nigerian women, stop using your texts, WhatsApp messages and calls to only bill, demand, and request. Stand out from the crowd. Ask him, ‘How was your night?’ ‘I hope you are eating well. Would you like me to send you some recipes?’ Or, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day. Manage this call credit’. Not every time, billing, billing, billing, as if your name is Billy Billerman from Billingham!

A typical man born in Nigeria will never experience real love, apart from the love of his mother, until he dies. What is available to him is heavily monetised fake love. Or do you want to say I am lying?

Credit: Facebook|Reno Omokri